A wedding story
23/03/24 01:33
I am not much of a fan of television and I rarely watch programs. I don’t have anything against television, and I realize that it can be a powerful media for storytelling. I know that there are some significant artists who invest in its production and there are many people who enjoy the work of teams of writers, actors, directors, and producers. For me it is a simple matter of how I prefer to invest my time. I have lots of things that I enjoy in which I invest a lot of time. Reading is one of those things. Most of the time, my imagination is fully engaged by a book and I’ll choose reading over watching television.
Despite my lack of interest in television and the corresponding lack of interest in entertainment news, a story on BBC about a television show caught my attention. It involves some of the actors in the Netflix television series Stranger Things, which has been airing since 2016. I’ve never watched a single episode. According to the Internet, the story focuses on a small town’s response to an incident in which a young boy vanishes. Stories in the series uncover a mystery involving secret experiments, terrifying supernatural forces and a strange little girl. The description doesn’t particularly make me want to view episodes of the program. What caught my attention is that one of the star actors in the series is getting married and has announced that her co-star will officiate at the ceremony.
Actor Millie Bobby Brown is engaged to marry Jake Bongiovi, the son of Jon Bon Jovi. Actor Matthew Modine has said he will officiate at the ceremony. In the series, he plays the papa of Brown’s character Eleven. “I have one of those licenses to get people married, and Millie thought it’d be great, and then Jake said it would be a great idea,” he said. He added that the couple “loved what I wrote for them to join hands and to become husband and wife.”
The 65-year-old Modine said he had only officiated at one wedding ceremony before, adding that it was “such a beautiful thing to be able to join two people in holy matrimony.”
Over the years I’ve known of several people who have become officiants for weddings without formal training for that role. Secular weddings, without the official sanction of church bodies are common and as far as I know have resulted in some lasting and meaningful marriages. There are people who officiate at weddings as a sideline income. My brother, who has no formal theological training obtained a certificate from some mail-order place and officiated at a couple of wedding ceremonies.
On the other hand, by the time I was 65 years old, I had officiated at hundreds of weddings. I did, however, invest four years in undergraduate school and four years of graduate education, including courses in counseling and worship planning. I served as in intern in a marriage and family counseling practice and under the supervision of mentors authorized by the American Association of Marriage and Family Counselors, conducted many hours of counseling with couples. However, my track record with weddings roughly follows the trends of our society. A significant number of the weddings at which I officiated ended in divorce. I have, however, also officiated at the baptism and confirmation of the children of couples who continue to be happily married after I was involved in their wedding ceremony. Not long ago, I officiated at a vow renewal ceremony for a couple who were married in front of me 25 years before. I know other couples who have been married for 40 years and more at whose weddings I officiated. Another thing that I have to offer couples is the experience of one who has been blessed with a joyful and successful marriage.
I am a proponent of the laws that allow those who are not officially sanctioned by a church to officiate at weddings. I think it is an important part of the separation of church and state that makes for strong independent churches and fairness in democracies. The government should not be in the business of who is and who is not qualified to officiate at a wedding. So if you ask me if an actor should be allowed to sign a marriage license, I would say, “yes, if all parties agree.” That seems to be the case in the coming wedding of the television actor.
Furthermore there is a long-standing agreement in the church that the holiness of a ceremony is the product of God, and not dependent on the worthiness of the human officiant. Sacred commitments can be made before those who are not properly prepared for their role.
Still, I am grateful that I went through significant preparation and education before I was authorized to officiate at weddings. I think that I offered the couples with whom I worked valuable experience as a trained counselor as they prepared to make their vows and as a skilled and experienced crafter of church services and ceremonies. I learned to offer words that were meaningful not only to the couple, but also to their guests. I put in hard work getting to know couples and crafting for them ceremonies that were meaningful and reflected their unique relationships.
To be honest, I think that there are elements that trained and authorized ministers can offer to couples that are not offered by those who have simply picked up a license by filling in an online form. A trained actor might be capable of writing meaningful words and probably will do a good job of public speaking at the ceremony. There is, I believe, more to the job of an officiant than being good at saying beautiful words. I’ve attended enough secular marriage ceremonies to know that it is common for them to use words that have been traditional for generations. The difference is that I know the history of those ceremonies and the sources of particular choices of words. I know the difference between vows of intention and vows of commitment. I understand that it is no me that makes a couple married. It is not a ceremony or the presence of an official license that creates a marriage.
One of the joys of being retired is that I can release the official role. I know others will be the officiants at weddings I will attend in the future and I’m comfortable with that. God is not limited by the institutional rules of the church. God is fully capable of being present in ceremonies held outside the church by inexperienced officiants. I pray that God will be present in the ceremony of the young actor and her famous fiancé. May they be blessed with love for all of their lives.
Despite my lack of interest in television and the corresponding lack of interest in entertainment news, a story on BBC about a television show caught my attention. It involves some of the actors in the Netflix television series Stranger Things, which has been airing since 2016. I’ve never watched a single episode. According to the Internet, the story focuses on a small town’s response to an incident in which a young boy vanishes. Stories in the series uncover a mystery involving secret experiments, terrifying supernatural forces and a strange little girl. The description doesn’t particularly make me want to view episodes of the program. What caught my attention is that one of the star actors in the series is getting married and has announced that her co-star will officiate at the ceremony.
Actor Millie Bobby Brown is engaged to marry Jake Bongiovi, the son of Jon Bon Jovi. Actor Matthew Modine has said he will officiate at the ceremony. In the series, he plays the papa of Brown’s character Eleven. “I have one of those licenses to get people married, and Millie thought it’d be great, and then Jake said it would be a great idea,” he said. He added that the couple “loved what I wrote for them to join hands and to become husband and wife.”
The 65-year-old Modine said he had only officiated at one wedding ceremony before, adding that it was “such a beautiful thing to be able to join two people in holy matrimony.”
Over the years I’ve known of several people who have become officiants for weddings without formal training for that role. Secular weddings, without the official sanction of church bodies are common and as far as I know have resulted in some lasting and meaningful marriages. There are people who officiate at weddings as a sideline income. My brother, who has no formal theological training obtained a certificate from some mail-order place and officiated at a couple of wedding ceremonies.
On the other hand, by the time I was 65 years old, I had officiated at hundreds of weddings. I did, however, invest four years in undergraduate school and four years of graduate education, including courses in counseling and worship planning. I served as in intern in a marriage and family counseling practice and under the supervision of mentors authorized by the American Association of Marriage and Family Counselors, conducted many hours of counseling with couples. However, my track record with weddings roughly follows the trends of our society. A significant number of the weddings at which I officiated ended in divorce. I have, however, also officiated at the baptism and confirmation of the children of couples who continue to be happily married after I was involved in their wedding ceremony. Not long ago, I officiated at a vow renewal ceremony for a couple who were married in front of me 25 years before. I know other couples who have been married for 40 years and more at whose weddings I officiated. Another thing that I have to offer couples is the experience of one who has been blessed with a joyful and successful marriage.
I am a proponent of the laws that allow those who are not officially sanctioned by a church to officiate at weddings. I think it is an important part of the separation of church and state that makes for strong independent churches and fairness in democracies. The government should not be in the business of who is and who is not qualified to officiate at a wedding. So if you ask me if an actor should be allowed to sign a marriage license, I would say, “yes, if all parties agree.” That seems to be the case in the coming wedding of the television actor.
Furthermore there is a long-standing agreement in the church that the holiness of a ceremony is the product of God, and not dependent on the worthiness of the human officiant. Sacred commitments can be made before those who are not properly prepared for their role.
Still, I am grateful that I went through significant preparation and education before I was authorized to officiate at weddings. I think that I offered the couples with whom I worked valuable experience as a trained counselor as they prepared to make their vows and as a skilled and experienced crafter of church services and ceremonies. I learned to offer words that were meaningful not only to the couple, but also to their guests. I put in hard work getting to know couples and crafting for them ceremonies that were meaningful and reflected their unique relationships.
To be honest, I think that there are elements that trained and authorized ministers can offer to couples that are not offered by those who have simply picked up a license by filling in an online form. A trained actor might be capable of writing meaningful words and probably will do a good job of public speaking at the ceremony. There is, I believe, more to the job of an officiant than being good at saying beautiful words. I’ve attended enough secular marriage ceremonies to know that it is common for them to use words that have been traditional for generations. The difference is that I know the history of those ceremonies and the sources of particular choices of words. I know the difference between vows of intention and vows of commitment. I understand that it is no me that makes a couple married. It is not a ceremony or the presence of an official license that creates a marriage.
One of the joys of being retired is that I can release the official role. I know others will be the officiants at weddings I will attend in the future and I’m comfortable with that. God is not limited by the institutional rules of the church. God is fully capable of being present in ceremonies held outside the church by inexperienced officiants. I pray that God will be present in the ceremony of the young actor and her famous fiancé. May they be blessed with love for all of their lives.
